


Nothing But Ghosts

by the_iron_shadow



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo POV, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, Oneshot, not super relationship focused, please read this, seriously though this is just angst, you could totally interpret it as non-romantic, your daily serving of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 06:25:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14586921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_iron_shadow/pseuds/the_iron_shadow
Summary: Kylo wakes first in the throne room.





	Nothing But Ghosts

He wakes into chaos, as he so often does.

Sparks falling like rain around him, the metal beams of the ceiling creaking, destruction surrounding him—the body of his master, severed in two.

And there is someone else here, too.

Ben—Kylo—pushes himself up on one arm, wincing. The explosive force of the lightsaber breaking had flung him far, and he knows without checking that there will be bruises. But that is the least of his concerns as he scans the wreckage.  _Where is she?_

His eyes find her on the other side of the room, her delicate form curled up on the floor as if she was sleeping. He knows that she is far from fragile (hadn't he witnessed her strength himself, just minutes before?), but he can't stop the protective instinct that rises up within him, demanding to know if she's safe.

He can sense through the Force that she's alive, her heart beating strongly. She's just unconscious. The thought relieves him. She's alive, she'll wake soon, and—

And then what?

She'll join him?

No, he can still see her shaking her head, begging him,  _"Please don't go this way."_ She will not join him. His vision... it had been so clear. But like so many other things, it had been a lie, concocted by his master. That life he had dreamed of since the moment he touched her hand would never be his. The happiness, the  _family_ that he'd seen were nothing but ghosts.

That life was for Ben Solo.

And he is not Ben Solo.

Kylo Ren's destiny is to die in flames, to burn brightly enough to blind the world and then fade into oblivion. There is no happy ending for him, just rivers of blood and a mountain of the dead as he struggles to stay afloat in a world that tries to kill him at every turn. 

But Rey doesn't have that future ahead of her. She has the hope of brilliant future, of one untainted by his shadow. She would never stay for him.

He could force her to stay.

Maybe once the idea would have appealed to him. Maybe when the darkness flowed pure through his veins, he would have had the strength to lock her up, to slowly break her spirit and convert her to the ways of the Dark side.

There is too much of the Light in him now for that to be an option.

His head snaps to her as he senses her stirring, her mind starting to surface from the sleep she was in. He needs to decide what to do, and quickly.

Kylo Ren would be ruthless. Kylo Ren would kill her where she lays, because Rey is his enemy.

And just like that, he knows what he needs to do.

_ Balance. Dark rises, and Light to meet it. _

He lowers himself to the ground, closing his eyes as she opens hers.

Whenever Snoke would torture him, he would retreat to a place deep within his mind, where he could dispassionately watch whatever happened. He goes there now, breathing in, readying himself for what it to come.

_ "You are destruction. You are death. You are anger. You are my apprentice, and you will raze the the foundations of this world." _

Kylo is a killer. Kylo will only bring pain. This is necessary.

 

It takes all his strength to remain still, to keep his breathing steady, when she kneels next to him and softly brushes his hair from his face. Of course she would show mercy, even as she prepares to kill him. And even though he knows that her touch is nothing more than consolation before the end, he yearns for more.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers, and he agrees, yes, he too is sorry for everything he had done to her.

She shifts, and he waits, his eyes sealed shut, waiting, strung out between each breath as he prays for her to be quick.

But there is only the brief press of lips to his forehead, and then she is walking away, her speed picking up until she is practically fleeing from the room.

Kylo—Ben—pushes himself up on one arm, his eyes stinging. The place where she'd kissed him burns into his forehead, but that is the least of his worries.  _What was she thinking?_

Now she's gone, and he's still alive.

The sparks fall like rain around him, the metal beams of the ceiling creaking, destruction surrounding him—the body of his master, severed in two, is not far away. He should be dead, too, but she had spared him.

He thinks he knows why.

For the first time in years, he wakes—truly wakes—from the chaos.

 

 

 

 


End file.
